I have always been intrigued by the shenanigans at an Indian wedding. Anyone trying to understand human behaviors and relationships will surely have a field day here. All the love, Machiavellianism, hatred comes out in open some apparent and some perfectly veiled.

We all have encountered some of these interesting characters in all Indian Weddings :

Ritual Granny: She is the octogenarian we all have in the family. She is a living encyclopedia of the customs and rituals that are unique to each family. Nothing misses her keen eye, this more than makes up for her lack of mobility. No one argues or questions her knowledge; it is her fiefdom no one dare encroach upon.

Plzall Aunt: She may or not be a close family relationship but will go out and get involved in all the pre and post wedding preparations. She lives and breathes the weddings. They give her a purpose in life even if for a few days. The only thing she accepts in returns is no material gifts but recognition of her dedication.

Grudging Uncle: His main purpose is to find faults and crib about everything. Be it the food, decorations, the return gifts. U name it and he can find out the flaw no matter how inconsequential. The only perfect weddings are that of his sister / his own / or the ones where his own money has been spent. It is a different matter that he is the only one who has enjoyed the aforementioned weddings.

Friends: They are the close friends of the hosts and have their complete trust. Staying in the background they take over the arrangements, but they remain in the shadows so as not to offend the blood relatives who’s egos grow in direct proportions to the nearness of the blood relation.

Daru Friend: He is the friend of the groom and his main aim of attending the wedding is to binge on the muft ki daaru. He is not bothered about the nitty gritties of wedding rituals. bas daaru chalu rahni chahiye. He can smell out the daaru addas in an instant: from the car bonnet to the store room to that poor uncles room who is carrying his own personal quota of booze.

Valuation Uncle: He is the self appointed accountant. He puts value to the card, to the flower arrangements, saris, jewelry, catering u name it. It is a different matter that these values far exceed the actual. In the end he has actually calculated the entire cost of the wedding and if prodded further can break down the same to different heads of expenditure.

Gamblers: For these set of people, wedding is just another venue to play cards (Teen Patti). The main aim is to play cards everything else is ancillary. They can be seen huddled into a room with stash of cards and money alike. Only matter of national emergency will make them disperse from their location. They can be even seen gambling besides the mandap where the Bride and Groom are taking the Pheras.

Match Fixer: These people keep an eye on the each marriageable age boy and girl attending the wedding. They can be seen making not so discreet enquiries about them. The parents of these 20 something’s can be seen seeking their services. They are a ready reckoner of the prospects and geography is no impediment. They can scout matches from Jaipur to Jersey to Bhilwara to Brisbane. And take great pride in declaring their success ratios and the beneficiaries.

Dancer / Singer: Usually the female members of the family but some guys too come in this category. They can sing a song for each custom and can dance at the drop of a hat. They are the most sought after and act as fillers between important functions.

3 Din ke Aashiq: These aashiqs love affairs have the lowest shelf life. It’s more like lust that fulfills its purpose in the torrid 3 day affair. The wooing, falling in love, *** and the falling out last as long as the wedding does.  Only the few lucky ones make it past the 3 days and even for the ones that don’t there is no guilt involved. 

Gossip Aunt / Uncle: There is no place like a wedding to catch up on the family gossip where the well hidden family secrets tumble out. These Aunt’s works on the principle of need to know and the need to share. They have to know the happenings of each family member: who is a having a problem in marriage / business /with kids?? They are updated with even the name of the children and the age of each distant relative. They have a memory bank from where they pull out stories, add masala and dish out to the ignorant ones. No one is spared their onslaught. 

So which category do u belong to ???